Attention all librarians who have ordered the upcoming Harry Potter installment from Baker & Taylor: You won’t get the book unless you sign a special contract that can be downloaded here. The deadline, naturally, is today, and the fax line, quite predictably, is busy, busy. Good luck, mere muggles.

It’s been holding the No. 1 slot on the New York Times best seller list in hardcover advice/how-to/miscellaneous. The Divine Miss O. dedicated two episodes to it in February, sparking the biggest book reorder in history (two million!). And, oh, yeah: the old Polish lady who walks a half-dead shitzu on my street in Brooklyn was reading a copy in the park.

Inquiring minds want to know: Why wasn’t Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret (BeyondWords/Atria) reviewed by your favorite library publication?Just who do I think I am not to assign this megaseller? It’s like this, book fiends: Publishers don’t submit every book to LJ; submissions get lost, stolen, or possibly eaten by feral dogs; and we certainly can’t assign everything that does land in the Bookroom. While our Xpress (that is, online-only) reviews allow for more coverage, there still aren’t enough reviewers at the ready—and not all books merit reviews. Some are simply more appropriate for LJ’s audience than others.

To be honest, I don’t remember The Secret. If it was submitted, it would’ve arrived around last September, three months before its November pub date, which means it was part of the fall deluge. I could’ve sent it to our trusty self-help columnist, Deborah Bigelow, who upon reading the press material wasn’t all that impressed by what the book purported to do. What self-respecting empowerment text doesn’t aim to “transform” or “teach”? Byrne’s credentials as a seeker/compiler of deep thoughts don’t make her unique, either.

My point is, it’s impossible to predict a best seller in the MySpaced-out age. Books with million-dollar publicity campaigns flop like dead fish. All that is certain is that Oprah has the Midas touch, and we Book Review editors don’t get fair warning. Ta.

Ernest Hemingway, who sometimes fancied himself a macho pugilist, has nothing on Peruvian author Mario Vargas Llosa in the boxing department. Check out the shiner he gave Columbian novelist Gabriel García Márquez in 1976.

For full sordid details on the literary fisticuffs between the former best friends, check out today’s New York Times.

This just in, lady and gent readers: Oprah has just chosen Cormac McCarthy’s The Road as the latest addition to her book club—and scored big points with this editor. McCarthy remains one of my favorite discoveries from grad school. Notoriously press-shy (there’s no way in hades he’ll appear on Oprah), the writer is not known for seeing the more honorable side of humanity (see his brutal anti-Western, Blood Meridian).

An LJ Best Book of 2006, The Road continues in that vein, describing with macabre elegance “a devastated country where food is scarce and everyone becomes a scavenger, ” according to our review by Stephen Morrow. While I haven’t read it (it’s sitting on the floor, next to my bed), methinks ole Winfrey isn’t so much in a pessimistic mood as moved, simply, by McCarthy’s ability to etch beauty in despair. I have to wonder if her demographic will go along for the ride (though as my colleague Wilda Williams pointed out, the book has already been a best seller), but here’s to disseminating quality literature.

Look Ma! I’m on time!

We’ve got fiction, nonfiction, audio, and graphic novel reviews for you this week in our web-only, freely-accessible Xpress Reviews section…with cover images! Shiny! And remember, you can always add Xpress Reviews to your RSS reader.

Xpress Reviews for Week of Mar. 27th, 2007

FICTION
Carcaterra, Lorenzo. Chasers. Ballantine.

Greene, Jennifer & others. Like Mother, Like Daughter (but in a Good Way). Harlequin Next.

Hand, Elizabeth. Generation Loss. Small Beer.

Montiel, Dito. Eddie Krumble Is the Clapper. Thunder’s Mouth: Avalon, dist. by Publishers Group West.

Sharpe, Matthew. Jamestown. Soft Skull.

Smith, Wilbur. The Quest. Thomas Dunne Bks: St. Martin’s.

NONFICTION
Figgis, Mike. Digital Filmmaking: The Essential Guide to the Digital Film Revolution. Faber & Faber.

Koff, Ashley. Recipes for IBS: Great-Tasting Recipes and Tips for Your Systems. Fair Winds: Quayside.

AUDIO
Clarke, Richard A. Breakpoint. Books on Tape.

Grimes, Martha. Dust. Books on Tape.

Kellerman, Jesse. Trouble. Books on Tape.

Tademy, Lalita. Red River. Books on Tape.

GRAPHIC NOVELS
Akimoto, Yasushi (text) & Mayumi Shihou (illus.). One Missed Call 1 + 2. Dark Horse.

Campbell, T. (text) & Amy Mebberson (illus.). Divalicious! Vol. 1. Tokyopop.

[composite review] Ellis, Warren (text) & Adi Granov (illus.). Iron Man: Extremis. Marvel.
Knauf, Daniel & Charles Knauf & Patrick Zircher (illus.). Iron Man: Execute Program. Marvel.

Harlan Ellison’s Dream Corridor. Vol. 2. Dark Horse.

Kuper, Peter. Stop Forgetting To Remember. Crown.

Miyasaka, Kaho. Kare First Love. Vol. 10. Viz Media.

Shinjo, Mayu. Sensual Phrase. Vol. 18. Viz Media.

Tamura, Yumi. Basara. Vol. 22. Viz Media.

Tanabe, Yellow. Kekkaishi. Vol. 8. Viz Media.

Yoshinaga, Fumi. Ichigenme…The First Class Is Civil Law. Vol. 1. 801 Media: Digital Manga.

Yumeka, Sumomo. The Day I Become a Butterfly. Juné: Digital Manga.

And you thought you could only eat Marshmallow Peeps, those sugar-coated Easter goodies that reduce grown men and women to salivating candy freaks. If David Hasselhoff gets to kill trees (see Anna Katterjohn’s Performing Arts Celebs Spring Out This Season), and he’s not even edible—not even in Germany—surely America’s No. 1 selling nonchocolate candy gets a book so you can work your addiction into bonafide psychosis.

And not just any book, but a Japanese manga–sounding whodunit that tracks the disappearance of a family of Peeps via the local newspaper and celebrity rag (Peeple)? Your goal: find the family before their sell-by dates, silly.

It’s all for your deranged pop culture pleasure in Mark Masyga and Martin Ohlin’s Peeps: A Candy-Coated Tale (Abrams Image, 2006), which was sadly never submitted to LJ with a crate of yellow fluff chickadees. And if you’re curious about how Peeps candy came to be, check out the manufacturer’s most excellent virtual history book, A Peep in Time, complete with photos of founder Sam Born, a Russian emigre who actually started in the chocolate trade in New York City.

Still got a sweet tooth (I know I do)? Read Steve Almond’s Candyfreak: A Journey Through the Chocolate Underbelly of America, an LJ Best Book of 2004.

In my first performing arts assigning (I recently adopted the section from Heather McCormack), the grand theme was pop celebs writing. Due out in May from three big publishers, we have Don’t Hassel the Hoff, David Hasselhoff’s autobiography from Thomas Dunne, Alice Cooper, Golf Monster: A Rock ‘n’ Roller’s 12 Steps to Becoming a Gold Addict from Crown, and Criss Angel’s Mindfreak coming from HarperCollins, complete with “40 mindfreaks you can master.”

 This odd little group, linked primarily by the similar chuckle they brought forth as I flipped through them (after all, they feature two TV stars and one musician; cover sports, magic, and memoir; and appeal to vastly different audiences) somehow seems more than the trashy celebrity cash-in book. Nicole Ritchie’s disparaged dip into writing comes to mind: see Bookroom classics “Anticlimactic didactic,” on Judith Regan’s less-than-classy buys, and Heather McCormack’s reaction to book awards season, ”The biggest losers.”

 Maybe it is the artist behind these performing arts titles—whether he is a master of rippling muscles, shock rock, or street magic—that makes these books worth looking at for something a little more than dissing a now-defunct publishing powerhouse or dreaming up awards for the biggest literary bombs. Or maybe they’ll go down with an even bigger splash!  Look for reviews in forthcoming issues.

It’s been a year now since Pegasus Books launched its list—and if LJ’s reviews are any indication, this New York City independent deserves a P. Diddy–style anniversary celebration, complete with Cristal and a novelty book cake. Over the last few months, we have reviewed David Brown’s Tchaikovsky: The Man and His Music and Roger Osborne’s Civilization: A New History of the Western World. Between April and May, we’ll cover Nicholas Kenyon’s The Pegasus Pocket Guide to Mozart, Ted Mitchell’s Thomas Wolfe: An Illustrated Biography, and Ed Gorman’s Fools Rush In.

Every one has garnered high praise, if not a star, and I can’t help but be amazed. Publisher Claiborne Hancock, who acquired titles at Carroll & Graf for many years, seems to have a hound’s nose for quality, and I only hope it will translate to big-time makings. The world needs more presses like this little winged pony, which very wisely deals in that library staple, mystery. For my part, I love their spin on biography, which seems to combine a highly personalized point of view with upper-crust research and quirky miscellany. Fly high, Pegasus. Here’s to a very good year.

So I didn’t assign this book. I didn’t even handle the galley, but I didn’t have to do either to know it’s more bloggable than Hilary Clinton catching herpes. A Book Addict’s Treasury by Julie Rugg and Lynda Murphy (April, Frances Lincoln; see LJ 4/15/07 for the complete review) seems to go beyond your Roget’s by ”following the threads of ideas in what can often resemble a conversation between authors from different centuries.” The quotes, 350 in total, come from the likes of Erasmus, Edith Wharton, Umberto Eco, Descartes, and Groucho Marx and consider every imaginable aspect of the writing life.

To quote the irreverent press release, “Indeed, if you buy only one book this year, this one is probably not for you.” Sounds like my kind of pulp. Fans of this kind of anthology might also like these recommended reads from our Book Review database: Anne Fadiman’s Ex Libris: Confessions of a Common Reader, Maureen Corrigan’s Leave Me Alone, I’m Reading, and Anna Quindlen’s How Reading Changed My Life.

I know we review editors are supposed to judge books by the quality of their prose, but call me shallow, I love this cover! I love the retro-Art Deco Flash Gordon/Buck Rogers/Metropolis feel. And the back cover is great too, featuring hands pulling on bright teal-blue gloves against a bright comic-book yellow background.

The comic book reference is no accident for Soon I Will Be Invincible (Pantheon, June) is a first novel by video game designer Austin Grossman following the adventures of evil Doctor Impossible, a failed wannabe world dominator, and Femme, a female cyborg/rookie superhero.  And the jacket’s designer? None other than the legendary graphic designer and Knopf associate art director Chip Kidd, who has his own passion for superheros like Superman. For a full overview of  his work see his Chip Kidd: Work 1986-2006.